Beautiful Disaster
by whistlingawaythedark
Summary: GSR. Sara becomes severely depressed after being rejected by Grissom. Meanwhile, Grissom discovers something in his past that could change his entire life and jeopardize his chances with Sara. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first CSI fanfic. Enjoy and reviews are much appreciated!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI. Obviously. This is for entertainment purposes only.**

_"She would change everything for happily ever after. Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster…"_

--"Beautiful Disaster" by Jon McLaughlin

Sara stared blankly at her wall from her position on the couch in her apartment. His words were still ringing in her ears, producing fresh tears each time they fluttered across her mind.

"_We can't Sara. I'm your boss. It wouldn't be appropriate."_

"_Isn't that the reason you brought me here though? I thought you cared about me..."_

"_I do."_

"_No. You don't. If you did you would have said yes."_

"_Sara…"_

That's when she had left. Not even giving him a chance to explain any further. Now she was home, sitting on the couch getting ready to start her third beer. She still wasn't drunk, just tipsy and she knew the pain would not subside until she was so far from herself that she couldn't remember what had happened. She twisted the cap off of the beer and downed it in two gulps. She couldn't handle this. First Hank and now Grissom.

She went to the fridge. She wondered how many it would take this time. When she had began drinking back in college it only took her one to be completely silly. She had always been a lightweight but the years of on and off binge drinking had given her a high tolerance.

Slowly she began to feel dizzier and dizzier. She trumped around the apartment beer bottle in hand crashing into things and falling to the ground laughing until tears were streaming down her face again.

Deciding that a shower would feel nice she walked into the bathroom and turned the water as hot as it could go. Then she ran back into the living room and turned on a depressing mix of break-up music. Going back to the bathroom she didn't bother to undress and instead climbed straight in, socks and all.

For a few moments she allowed the scorching hot water to soak through her clothes to her skin. She was just beginning to peal off her t-shirt when by some miracle she heard her phone ring, despite the shower and music. Automatically she got out of the water and ran into her bedroom. She flipped the phone up to her ear without looking at the caller id.

"Helloooooooooooooooooo?" She cooed hysterically.

"Sara?" Came a confused female voice from the other end.

"Sidle here." She answered back sounding slightly more normal. She threw herself onto her bed, ignoring the fact that she was dripping water everywhere.

"It's Cath. Are you okay?"

"Just peachy." Sara replied bursting out into laughter. "I just took a shower in my clothes." She continued, giggling uncontrollably. "It was hot, yes, very, very hot."

"Sara, are you drunk?"

"Me, drunk? Haha what a funny idea because I never ever drink… oh I may have had a few beers todaaaaaaay… but drunk, not me!"

"You don't sound like you're ready for a case. I'll just tell Grissom you're taking a day of sick leave and I'll call Nick in." Catherine said firmly.

"There is a case… I can do a case. Who got murdered? Lemme guess, it was Grissom's lady friend, the one he can afford to spend time with because she doesn't work with him."

On the other end of the line Catherine frowned in confusion.

"Uh… Sara I'm not really sure what you're talking about but how about this… I'll send Gri—someone over to give you the details. Don't get in the car and drive though."

"Drive? Why would I drive? I'm druuuuuuuuuuuuuunk, remember."

"Yes, I can tell. Hang tight. Someone will be there to fill you in on the case."

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay." Sara answered and knocked her phone shut. She then trumped off to the kitchen, grabbed another beer and sloppily changed into new dry clothes.

Catherine sighed at the click of the phone, she was not looking forward to telling Grissom about the conversation she had just had. She knew it would upset him as it would with anyone on the team. Despite Sara's hint about her and Grissom, Catherine was still clueless about the feelings they had towards each other.

She walked out of her office and down the hallway towards Grissom's. She could see through the window that he was having a conversation with Ecklie and by the look on his face she could tell he was not enjoying it. Figuring he would appreciate the interruption she knocked sharply.

"Come in." Came Grissom's voice, deadly calm.

Catherine opened the door and peaked in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but I need to talk to you about something Grissom. It's important." She gave Ecklie a look that clearly said 'beat it'.

"Willows, Grissom and I are also having an 'important' discussion and I will need to ask you to wait outside until we are finished." He retorted.

"Actually, Ecklie I think we're done here. I believe we both understand each other."

Clearly Ecklie was not finished because of death glare he gave Grissom. Surprisingly though, he didn't press the matter and promptly exited the room, shutting the door behind him.

"He's in a good mood." Catherine commented sarcastically.

"Yeah, when is Ecklie ever in a good mood?"

"Good point." She agreed.

"So… what is so important?" Grissom asked her, gesturing to the seat across from his desk.

Catherine took a deep breath but declined to sit down.

"It's Sara, Grissom."

His eyes widened. "I'm listening."

"I just called her to ask her to come in and help out on the new case, like you asked."

"And?" He raised his eyebrows causing her nervousness to increase. She didn't want to get Sara in trouble.

"And she was acting strangely on the phone. I think she was drunk."

"How drunk?"

"Really drunk." Catherine paused and then continued when Grissom didn't react.

"I told her that someone would come over to give her the case details because I was afraid she might get in the car and try to drive. I figured you would probably go sort it out but if not I could go… I'm going to call Nick and ask him to come in and help with the case instead of her." She studied Grissom's face, which was etched with concern.

"I'm on it." He said, his voice sounding choked. He got up immediately and took his coat from the back of the chair. Swinging it around his shoulders he left the office without another word.

Catherine stared after him for a moment before remembering that she needed to call Nick.

After changing Sara plopped back down on the couch. Everything around her seemed to be spinning. She wanted another beer but she didn't have the energy to move to get it. She had lost count of how many she had drunk. She probably would have fallen asleep except for the ring of the doorbell that came moments later. She groaned, confused at why there was someone knocking on her door. She was going to ignore it, figuring it was a solicitor, when the ring came again. Suddenly she remembered what Catherine had said about someone from the lab coming by. She forced herself to get up half-running in a zigzag pattern towards the door. When she finally made it to the door she pulled it open as best she could. She held on just long enough to see the shocked and fearful look on Grissom's face. Then she collapsed in his arms.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm really liking writing this story so I'm updating again! Twice in the same day, whoohoo! Anyways, this chapter is probably even more depressing than the last one just to warn everyone but I do promise it will start to get more happy in chapters to come. Also thanks for those who reviewed, I appreciate your support so much! It makes me want to keep writing!**

"_As darkness quickly steals the light that shined within her eyes, she slowly swallows all her fear and soothes her mind with lies"_

--"Paradise" by Vanessa Carlton

Sara awoke to a piercing headache, a hospital bed, and no recollection of how she had gotten there. She could hear the slow, steady beep of a monitor and as her eyes adjusted she noticed Grissom asleep in the chair next to her. His chin was hanging down and he was snoring softly. Sara smiled despite herself, thinking how cute he looked.

Then the memories came flooding back. Distorted, but they were there nonetheless. Hank came first. His apology when she found out about his other girlfriend. _I'm so sorry Sara._

'Why had his words sounded so fake? Oh, maybe because they were.' She thought bitterly.

Then her eyes turned towards the man sitting next to her and again she replayed their earlier conversation. She could feel her eyes sting with tears but she held them back. But what had happened after that? She remembered driving home and crying on her bathroom floor… and then the beer. It suddenly dawned on her why she was in the hospital. She must have drank at least a six-pack. Maybe more. She tried to remember if she had bought one or two sick packs the last time she went grocery shopping. She couldn't.

The rest truly was impossible to recall accurately. At some point she had been talking to Catherine but she could not remember what on earth she had said. She felt a wave of panic overwhelm her as she imagined all of the embarrassing things she might have said while intoxicated, but quickly brushed it off. She could trust Catherine.

She hit another bump of confusion. Why was Grissom here with her? She must of passed out otherwise she would not be in the hospital. But who found her and where? She hadn't been driving had she? She couldn't remember getting into the car. No, she couldn't have been driving, she would have remembered.

She was so busy trying to recall what happened that she didn't notice when Grissom opened his eyes.

"Sara?" She jumped in surprise almost knocking over the monitor.

"Whoa. Be careful!" Grissom cried as he jumped up to steady it.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her as he sat back down.

"I'm fi—actually, no I feel crappy." She didn't know why she had chosen to be so honest.

"I'm sorry." Grissom replied, a look of genuine concern on his face. "It'll wear off soon hopefully."

"Grissom…." She looked at him confused. "What happened?"

He raised his eyebrows. "You don't remember?"

"I remember some of it. I don't remember seeing you or coming to the hospital."

"Well…" He said slowly. "Catherine told me that she called you and you didn't sound too good so I came over to see what was going on. The minute you answered the door you collapsed. I called 911 when I couldn't wake you and I came along in the ambulance to make sure you were okay. " He tensed up as he finished his story.

"I was drunk." She whispered, a tear sliding down her face.

"Yes." He agreed sadly. After a few moments of awkward silence Grissom shifted in his seat and made eye contact.

"Sara… I talked to the doctors and they said the level of alcohol in your body was three times that of which they would recommend for someone of your body type. They also said you must have built up a high tolerance from frequent heavy drinking otherwise you would have passed out sooner. What's going on? Why are you doing this to yourself?"

She could see on his face that it was hurting him to see her do this to herself but unfortunately it wasn't enough to quench her anger.

"It's none of your business why I drink. As long as I don't walk onto a scene drunk then there should be no reason for you to question me about it." Her voice became more emotional. "I drink because I enjoy it. It helps me relax, it helps me through tough times, it…" She stopped, unable to control her sobs. Wiping her face with her hand she turned away from him. She hated that he had to see her this way.

"This is about me… isn't it?" He whispered, horror in his voice. "Sara, I—"

"Just go away!" She cried, still refusing to look at him.

"Sara, just hear—"

"Get the hell out!" She practically screamed.

She waited several moments and turned her head around to find the room completely empty. For some reason this only made her sob harder. She hadn't thought that he was actually going to leave.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ummmmkay. It's still not happy. It'll probably be depressing for awhile actually. But yea, I don't want to say anymore cuz then I'll give stuff away and that would be no fun. Thanks again for those who reviewed, keep the feedback coming! :D**

** Oh also, I'm trying to decide what I want my username to be so don't be confused when it keeps changing. **

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell. But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me."

--"I'm Not Crazy" by Matchbox 20

Sara slept through the majority of the rest of her stay at the hospital. Around midday the doctor came in to discharge her recommending that she check out Alcoholics Anonymous. Sara nodded her head in agreement even though she had no intention of doing so. Although she still wasn't feeling one hundred percent better she decided to call Catherine and ask her for a ride to work. That way she could get filled in on any new cases, which could hopefully distract from the state she was in.

She flipped open her phone and pressed number two, Catherine's speed dial.

"Willows" Came a woman's voice. She sounded distracted.

"Hey, Catherine, it's Sara."

"Oh hi Sara! How are you feeling?" She replied, becoming more focused.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You must have one hell of a hangover."

"Oh, just a small headache." Sara lied.

"Well I'm glad to hear you're doing okay. Grissom wouldn't tell me a thing."

"He wouldn't?" She asked surprised.

"No. He just said that everything was taken care of."

"Oh."

"So, uh… I need to go actually. I'm in the middle of an important case."

"Oh, sorry… I was just hoping you could give me a ride. I'm ready to help you out now."

"Didn't Grissom tell you that you had the rest of the day off?" Catherine replied, confused.

"No."

"Oh well he specifically instructed me to not allow you to come in today. He said you needed rest."

"Well I don't and I'm coming in anyways." Sara answered defiantly.

"Sar, really. You overwork yourself. Get some sleep. Why do you need a ride anyways?"

It suddenly dawned on Sara that Catherine had no idea she had been in the hospital.

"Oh um… well I guess I don't really. I just thought you could swing by on the way to a scene." She decided that if Grissom hadn't told Catherine than she didn't want her to know.

"Well, I'm sorry but I can't. Grissom will be up my ass if I allow you to work today and besides, I'm not heading out anytime soon."

"Where is Grissom?" Sara demanded. "Why isn't he the one making sure I stay at home like a good little girl?" Her stomach twisted in knots as she said this. She had a feeling she already knew the answer.

"He's on sabbatical… He didn't tell you he was leaving?" Catherine asked, dubious.

"WHAT!?" Sara cried. "When? Why? For how long?" Whatever she had been expecting Catherine to say, it wasn't this.

"Chill, Sara. Geez. I honestly have no idea. He seemed upset when he came in this morning. All he said was that he was taking at least a month's leave and that I was in charge until he came back. Oh and the stuff about you not working today." Catherine answered, her tone becoming increasingly annoyed.

"Uh, sorry." Sara mumbled. "I was just surprised… I have to go. Have fun with your case!" She added on, trying to keep her voice cheery. She hung up just in time for her tears to start falling.

Catherine frowned. She was worried about Sara but she knew that she couldn't do anything about it at the moment. Work was beckoning so she pushed it to the back of her mind making a mental note to keep an extra eye on her younger coworker when she returned the next day.

--

Meanwhile, Sara was unsure of what to do. The only person left that she felt remotely comfortable calling for a ride was Nick but she knew that he was probably in the lab with Catherine. She didn't want the whole world to know what had happened and she wasn't even sure that she wanted Nick to know.

She could take a cab she thought as she watched one speed by through the window. Or she could walk… It wasn't that far, maybe two miles… no more like three… walking was a bad idea. She would most surely pass out again so she settled on a cab.

--

When Grissom left the hospital he headed straight for his townhouse. However, it wasn't until he was halfway there that he felt the tears slide down his face. Wiping his eyes furiously he pushed down harder on the gas, desperate to get home. When he finally pulled into his usual parking spot he could no longer control himself. After removing the key from the ignition he banged his head against the steering wheel, crying hysterically. Moments later he jumped in surprise when he accidentally hit the horn with his head. Sighing, he grabbed his bag and heaved himself out of his car. Once inside he sat down on the couch, head in his hands, attempting to collect his thoughts.

He could still hear Sara's voice. _Just go away. Get the hell out!_ The words played over and over again in his mind, but worse was the memory of her limp body when she had collapsed in his arms. His entire being went numb at the thought.

He loved her. He knew he loved her. He had known since the day they met in San Francisco at his seminar. But it had been simple love. He never had the intention that it would grow as it did. Back then he may have been content with just dating her. They would have slept together a couple of times and moved on. He could have lived with that, years ago.

But not now. He knew that now, if ever they were to be together he would need her, wholly and completely. And that idea scared him.

He stood up, stretched, and headed into his bedroom. He needed to get away and sort things out. He couldn't face Sara. Not yet. Maybe if he took some time then he would know if it was right. Maybe when he came back he would have the courage to stop causing them both so much pain. He dragged a hefty suitcase out of his closet and started packing. He decided he would stop by the lab on the way out to give Catherine information on running the lab while he was gone. Then he would drive. But he wasn't yet sure where.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Rating is now 'M' due to some new themes that I believe need caution. Just a quick warning, there is suicide and self-harm content in this chapter and there may be more in chapters to come. If you are triggered by either of those things I would suggest being cautious. ****With all that said THANK YOU so much for everyone who reviewed and keep them coming! They encourage me to write more! **

_"I need a little room to breathe, cause I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break…"_

--"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park

When Sara finally stumbled into her apartment she was utterly exhausted. Automatically she headed for the kitchen already anticipating the fresh relief of a cold beer. She opened the door and scanned the shelves but couldn't find what she was looking for. Sighing, she crouched down and began digging. After several minutes without success she stood back up, confused and frustrated. Her eyes shifted towards the recycle bin noticing two empty cardboard cases sitting on the top. She could not have drunk twelve beers the previous night. Despite the fact that her memory was unreliable, she knew that the most she could have had was eight. That meant there should still be at least four in her fridge. There was only one possible explanation left.

Grissom.

There was a time when his attempt to help her would have been much appreciated. But now it only made Sara angry. What right did he have to take away her means of coping if he was going to reject her? Leave her? She kicked the fridge closed and went into the living room falling down on the couch in a huff.

She knew she could just go buy more. But she didn't want to leave the house. She was too tired to do so. Instead she went into her bathroom and dug through one of the cupboards searching for her old prescription of sleeping pills. She smiled in relief as her hand closed around the tiny bottle. Crossing her fingers she checked the expiration date on the bottle. May 2004. It was mid-April. She was just in time. Popping a few in her mouth she headed to her room, undressed, and fell fast asleep.

--

Sara awoke bright and early the next day prepared to pull a double shift. Maybe even a triple if she could get it past Catherine. She dressed quickly, doing nothing special with her hair or makeup, as there would be no one to impress. On her way to the lab she stopped at a drive-through café and got a large caramel latte with whipped cream. Sara had never needed to watch her weight but she was still accustomed to drinking non-fat lattes or drip coffee just because she didn't want to risk gaining extra pounds. Again it didn't seem to matter because Grissom was gone and there was no one else that she really cared to be skinny for.

When she reached the lab she made a beeline for Catherine's office. She was glad to see the door open and Catherine staring down at some paperwork that looked like new case files.

"Hey Cath!" Sara said in a voice that was too close to fake cheery.

The older woman jumped in surprise.

"Oh hey Sara. You scared me to death! I'm glad to see you're up and about again. Not that anyone could keep you at rest for very long…"

Sara smiled at this and then got right down to business.

"Um, so I'm guessing that you are handing out cases since Grissom isn't around."

"Yes, that's right." Catherine answered as she shuffled through her papers. Finding what she was looking for, she turned her attention back to Sara.

"Okay, I'm actually going to have you work a new case with me. The high profile case we had the other day got solved last night and Nick is just dealing with the technical stuff on that. So I guess I'll brief you…"

Catherine handed her one of the sheets she was holding.

"Teenage girl found dead in her bedroom. 15 years old. Apparent suicide. They're calling us in mainly because they're not sure exactly how she died. They said it looks like she overdosed on pills and then attempted to hang herself but she was found on the ground with a noose around her neck so they're betting on the pills."

Sara nodded. "Got it. Are we heading to the scene?"

"Yea. I guess I'll drive…" Catherine said trying not to sound awkward about it.

"You know I'm not drunk anymore." Sara teased. "I drove here this morning all by myself mother."

Catherine laughed at this. "I know… I'm just trying to look out for you. Plus you always play some crap classical station in your car."

"What's wrong with classical music?" Sara asked offended. "It's relaxing."

"You and Grissom." Catherine chuckled. "Love your violin concertos…"

Sara's stomach immediately tightened at the mention of his name. Grissom liked classical music? She couldn't believe that Catherine knew something about him that she didn't. Especially something so trivial such as the type of music he enjoyed. She wondered if he knew that she shared his love for the peaceful soul of a singing violin.

Sara remained silent for the entire ride, barely aware of The Beatles marathon that was playing on the oldies station Catherine favored. As they pulled into driveway of the scene Catherine waited a moment to turn off the car singing along with the last few words of "Yesterday".

"Well that was job appropriate, huh?" Catherine said laughing lightly as she opened the car door.

Sara jerked away from her thoughts. "Wha… oh yea…"

Walking towards the house they met the coroner at the front door.

"Hey David!" Catherine called stopping to talk to him. "Any conclusion to how she died?"

"Well, it's still up in the air but we're now leaning away from a suicide. She has ligature marks on her neck suggesting she was strangled. They don't seem to be consistent with an attempted hanging but we won't be sure until she's examined further. They may not even be the cause of death. According to the empty bottles of pills found near her she could have very easily overdosed."

"Where is she?" Catherine asked sadly.

David nodded towards the half-open door that an officer stood by.

"Thanks for you help!" Sara called behind her shoulder and the two women rushed inside.

Sara's mind had been so distracted that she had not prepared herself for the possibilities of a suicidal teen. Staring down at girl's limp form her eyes immediately focused on the left arm, which lay palm up against the carpet. It was not difficult to realize that this girl had been troubled, no matter how her death had come about. The scars on her arm reached all the way to where it could bend and the ones closest to her wrist looked fresh. Sara bent down to examine it further and saw that there were letters carved into her skin. _For him, who hurt me. _Shocked Sara quickly backed away nearly falling over as she felt a strong wave of dizziness.

She could feel the panic begin to spread throughout her. The room became blurry and all she could feel was a sharp hot pain on her wrist. Pulling up her sleeve her scars shown pearly white against her skin. She remembered the razor. The blood flowing out of her and onto her sheets. She remembered the nights she would cry through her blood because she could no longer do so through tears. She remembered her foster mom screaming at her, asking her what she had done. She remembered the slap on her face.

"Sara? SARA!"

She opened her eyes to see Catherine leaning over her, cell phone in hand. She lifted herself up weakly, only then realizing that she was sweating and shaking.

"Are you alright!?" Catherine cried alarmed. "I was just about to call 911."

"Oh gosh no. Don't do that. I just got a little freaked out is all." Sara got up trying to act normal.

Catherine looked at her worriedly. "You know I think that you should call it a day. I know you want to be here but I think that you're under a bit of stress right now. I can do this case and I'll call you as soon as another one comes in."

Sara looked at her, horrified.

"Catherine…" She said weakly. "I can't go home and sit alone in my house. I just can't. I can do this. I'm okay now."

Catherine considered her.

"This is against my better judgment but I'll let you stay on if you go back to the lab right now and give Nick some help. I'll finish processing this scene and then when I get back we will work with it."

Sara nodded, clearly relieved. "Thanks, Cath." She said appreciatively she turned to go but stopped in mid-step.

"Wait, I don't have my car."

"Take mine. I'll just hop a cab." She tossed Sara her keys and turned back to the scene.

Once Catherine was sure Sara was gone she picked up her cell again and dialed a familiar number. She tapped her foot impatiently waiting for an answer.

"We're sorry" Came a cool female voice. Then…

"Gilbert Grissom" Came Gil's voice, strangely out of context.

"Is not available right now. Please leave a message after the tone." BEEP.

"Hey Gil, it's Cath. You said I could call you if I had a concern. Well I do have one. And it's about Sara… so please call me as soon as you get a chance. Hope you're having a nice time wherever you are." She hung up frustrated and wondering what he was up to.

TBC…


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry it's been a bit longer for this update. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter… I seem to be suffering a little writer's block though so keep that in mind. Please read and review! Thanks!**

"_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies… When everything seems like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know your alive…"_

--"Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls

Stepping out of his car, Grissom smiled in content as he breathed in the fresh sea air of the San Francisco bay. He had always felt the answers lay in the beginning. Events didn't occur spontaneously. They were interconnected and there was always a reason, even if the human mind couldn't process it.

San Francisco was the beginning for Sara and Grissom. They had met at a seminar he was giving on entomology and its significance to forensics. He could almost place himself back behind the podium, speaking to over 100 college students and professors. It may have seemed impractical that he had first noticed Sara in the crowd. Usually faces didn't stick unless someone made a point to ask him individual questions afterwards. But he had memorized Sara's smile within the first few slides of his power point and although his eyes darted about the crowd, they always came back to her.

Shaking himself from his memories, he yawned and sidled around to his trunk. Popping it open, he dragged two large suitcases onto the pavement. He then hoisted them on his shoulders, clicked the lock, and headed off to check in at his hotel. He was too distracted by his heavy load to notice that his cell phone had fallen from his pocket and lay silent on the concrete.

--

When Catherine arrived back at the lab she found Sara alone in the break room sipping on a steaming cup of coffee.

"Hey, where's Nick? I take it you two finished up."

"He went home because he didn't have anything else to work on. He said if you needed him just call but he looked beat." Sara replied rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"You look tired too." Catherine observed.

"Oh no… I'm fine." She said quickly. "I want to help you sort out the evidence!"

"Alright well for starters you should know that I've pretty much ruled out suicide. Based on what I saw, her body doesn't have injuries consistent with a fall related to an attempted hanging. Of course if strangulation isn't the cause of death that doesn't matter much, however we wont know for sure until the autop--?"

A distant buzz interrupted her.

_It's been a hard day's night… and I've been working like a dog… It's been a har--_

Catherine reached into her pocket and flipped open her phone causing Lennon's voice to stop abruptly.

"Willows."

After a long pause of listening, Catherine's face turned white.

"What happened?" She cried frantically.

Another pause.

"Is she okay…? Yes of course… I'll be there right away. Bye."

Hanging up Catherine turned to Sara.

"I have to go. Lindsey broke her leg when she was playing on the monkey bars at school. I'm sorry to drop this case on you but can you handle it while I'm gone? All my notes are in the box with the evidence. Its all on my desk."

Sara nodded. "I'll be fine, go take care of you daughter."

"Okay, thank you so much! Give me a ring if you get stuck!" Catherine called over her shoulder as she practically ran out the door.

"No problem…" Sara said her voice trailing off.

Sighing she stood up and headed out of the break room and towards Catherine's office not entirely ready to face her past again.

--

_Sara's body shook with a pleasant excitement as she felt Grissom leaning over her, his body weight causing the mattress to groan in protest. His eyes, his smile, his touch. They were all for her and she had never wanted anything so badly. She watched in impatient delight as his lips came ever closer._

_She closed her eyes momentarily breathing in his fresh minty scent. Her eyes reopened just in time for her to scream. She quickly felt the terror consume her as she looked up into her father's greedy smile. Somewhere inside her the adrenaline kicked in and she managed to fling him away. Jumping up, she started running. Out of the room, down the stairs and outside onto the sidewalk. She could hear her mother screaming. The sound of glass breaking. Shutting her eyes she ran harder. Don't look back. Don't go back. There was a loud ringing noise. Sirens. She couldn't go back. It was louder. They were coming for her._

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

Sara sat bolt upright in bed, shaking and sweating. She glanced around her for the source of ringing and shut her alarm off. It was 6:00 A.M. and she had only managed three hours of interrupted sleep. She slowly pushed herself out of bed and headed into the bathroom to shower. Tears flowed silently down her cheeks blending in with the hot, crisp, water. She turned to grab the shampoo and in doing so knocked down her razor.

The case flashed into her mind. She had spent the better part of the night pouring over pictures and items that Catherine had collected from the house. Many which included close-up photographs of the girl's mangled arm.

As she bent down to pick her razor up, she felt her knees weaken so she sat down on the shower floor, her legs curled beneath her. She thought of Grissom and her lifeless tears became strangled sobs. Weeping violently, she grabbed the razor and took it to her arm. She could feel the conflict within her but her emotions were overpowering. She wanted to see the blood spill from her body. She wanted to feel that stinging pain she so deserved.

Slowly she pressed the blade into her skin, immediately drawing a perfect line of blood. Barely waiting a second, she slashed her arm quickly several more times. Four perfect lines. She put the razor down and sighed in relief. The tears on her cheeks dried as she watched her blood run down the drain. She could breathe now. It would be okay.

TBC…


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I apologize if some of you got an email earlier saying this chapter was posted and it wasn't. I accidentally posted a chapter from my other fanfic on this one. To make it up to everyone here is the next chapter! Thanks again to all the reviewers and please keep it up!**

"_I left my heart in San Francisco, high on a hill it calls to me. To be where little cable cars climb halfway to the stars… The morning fog may chill the air, I don't care…"_

--"I left my heart in San Francisco" by Tony Bennett

It wasn't until around noon the next day that Grissom realized his cell was missing. He had been absentmindedly chewing on a corn dog when he figured he should probably take a look at his messages. Fumbling through his pockets he did not panic immediately but after two minutes of excessive digging he began to worry. He tried to think back to the previous night but could not remember putting it anywhere particular. Maybe it was somewhere in his hotel room. He decided to look for it later that evening when he returned to the hotel. There was no sense in letting such a trivial matter ruin his day and he was positive he couldn't have dropped it anywhere.

Grissom finished his corndog and walked about the bay barely glancing at those around him. He knew his next destination. Memories flashed before him as he stood in front of the sushi bar that he and Sara had once dined at. It was their first date, if you could even call it that. After the seminar she had approached him with several eager questions. Grissom had been intrigued by such interest considering most were repulsed by the idea of using bugs as case crackers. However, Sara's had so many questions that Grissom asked her to dinner feeling that it was the only way for him to give her sufficient and complete answers. She had gladly agreed and met him a few hours later at the steps of the bar where he now stood.

He closed his eyes picturing her on that night. She had been wearing dark blue jeans that hugged her hips and a jet-black tank top that wrapped itself tightly around her curves. Her hair was down. Light brown and wavy, barely touching her shoulders. Her only make-up was a slight tint of mascara on her upper lids and some lip-gloss giving the perfect touch to her dazzling smile. _There was that damn smile again._ It was the part of her that he loved the most. He cringed as he remembered her tear-stained face back at the hospital.

Pulling back to the present, he walked into the grill to make a reservation for that evening.

--

Catherine arrived at her office around 5:00 P.M. only to find Sara's head lying on her desk, fast asleep on top of the evidence photos.

"Sara, Sara… wake up!" She shook her lightly.

"Huh… oh sorry, I must have fallen asleep, I came in early. What time is it?"

"Time for nightshift to start. I tried calling you about five times today. Have you been in here sleeping the whole time?" Catherine asked exasperated.

"No, I went home like you asked and then I came back in around 8:30 A.M."

"Sara you're way over clocked. You can't be pulling triples like that unless I absolutely need you to."

"How's Lindsey?" Sara replied, ignoring Catherine's glare.

"She's fine. She just had to get a cast put on. She's over at my mom's right now."

"I'm glad to hear she's okay." Sara said yawning sleepily.

"Thanks… okay lets get down to business. Any updates from the coroner?"

"Yes, death was caused by strangulation although the tox panels are still pending. This was definitely not a suicide despite evidence to the contrary." Sara finished, looking up for Catherine's reaction.

"Well no surprise there." She glanced down at the photograph Sara had been sleeping on. It was the close-up of the girl's arm. "Did the coroner confirm those cuts self-inflicted or are they a set-up to make her look suicidal?"

"No." Sara answered, gritting her teeth. "She did that to herself."

"Alright." Catherine answered nervously. "Why don't you tell me what else you gathered?"

Just as Sara was about to speak, Ecklie strode into Catherine's office.

"Hey Catherine, a new high profile case just came in and the day shift is almost over so I'm handing it over to your team."

"Ecklie we've got a teenage murder on our hands already, not to mention a celebrity couple that was murdered at one of the casinos the other night. Can't your shift at least start processing it?" She exclaimed, trying to keep her voice even.

"No can do." Ecklie answered with a smirk. "Maybe you should talk to Grissom about the amount of vacation time people on your team seem to be taking. Although that might be difficult considering he isn't around himself." Without waiting for a response Ecklie set a large case file on her desk and left the office.

"What an ass…" Catherine muttered.

"It's okay." Sara said quietly. "Let's call Nick and Warrick in. We can see how far they are on the casino case and maybe they can help us out."

Catherine agreed and picked up her cell. As she flipped it open her thoughts turned to Grissom. She thought it strange that he hadn't yet returned her call.

"Hey Cath, I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick." Sara said tapping her on the shoulder.

Catherine nodded and quickly dialed Grissom's number as she watched Sara exit.

It didn't even ring.

"We're sorry"

"Gilbert Gris--"

Catherine hung up confused and dialed Nick.

--

Once alone in the bathroom Sara retreated to one of the stalls where she sat down on the toilet seat and pulled up her sleeve. She let out a sharp intake of breath as she stared down at her arm. There were now six lines, two more than before. Shaking she pulled a small razor blade from her pocket and cut herself again. Feeling the relief she let herself relax leaning back against the wall. She took a few long pieces of toilet paper and held them to her arm watching as the blood leaked through.

After several minutes she stood up and pulled her sleeve back over her arm. She then proceeded to flush the bloody toilet paper down the toilet, wash her hands, and head back to Catherine's office, trying to pretend that nothing had happened.

TBC…

**P.S. Things are going to start to change soon… I know right now the story is kinda hanging in the same place but I don't want to rush the plot.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This is a long chapter for me lol. Which I suppose is a good thing. Anyways I won't ramble and make it longer! Read, review, and enjoy!**

"_I may seem crazy… Or painfully shy, and these scars wouldn't be so hidden if you would just look me in the eye. I feel alone here and cold here, though I don't want to die. But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside…"_

--"Cut" by Plumb

By the time Sara made it back to Catherine's office both Nick and Warrick were present. As they greeted her, Sara nervously tugged at her sleeve hoping that none of her blood had leaked through it.

Clearing her throat Catherine addressed them as a group.

"So as you all should know by now, thanks to Conrad Ecklie, we have an extra, high profile case on hand. I just glanced over the file and we're looking at a serial killer, possibly another "strip strangler" type. Sara, I am going to put you on this case with Nick. Warrick you and I will work on the teen murder-suicide case. Nick and Warrick, you two are doubling up because you still have to work the celebrity murders, let me know if its getting too hectic and I will do the best I can to help out. Everyone clear?"

Warrick and Nick nodded but Sara frowned.

"Why are you pulling me off the teen murder case?"

"You seem to have a very strong emotional reaction to it and I feel like you would be better off working on something else." Catherine said firmly.

"You're kidding me right?" Sara responded, her voice rising. "After I just spent practically a day and a half on it?"

Catherine motioned for Nick and Warrick to leave the room and then turned back to Sara.

"Sara, I can see that it's stressing you out. You came in this morning almost nine hours before your shift started and you stared at the evidence until almost 3:00 A.M. last night. You have an emotional issue with this case and it would be wrong of me as both a supervisor and a friend to allow you to continue working on it!"

Sara knew she was right, even though she would never admit it. She wanted to yell at Catherine, to tell her that Grissom would never take her off a case for such a stupid reason. But she knew that wasn't true. She was positive that she would have not seen so much as a hair on the girl's head had Grissom witnessed her panic attack on the scene.

Trying to keep her face and voice neutral she told Catherine she would work on the serial case with Nick and left the office.

Catherine sighed and turned to the pile of case photos on her desk. Digging through them she was surprised to find that the first several photos on top of the stack were all of the cuts on the girl's arm. Next to them lay an evidence bag with some razors, perhaps the instruments the girl used to harm herself with.

Catherine stared at it for a moment before something clicked in her memory. Earlier when she had found Sara asleep on her desk there had been an un-bagged razor blade lying near her hand. At the time she figured Sara had taken it from the evidence to examine but thinking back she couldn't recall collecting a razor that was even remotely similar at the scene. Trying to push back the sinking feeling forming in her stomach she dug through the rest of the box. No razor. She checked the trash. All she found was a bloody tissue.

Feeling fear spread throughout her she ran out of her office in search of Sara. She was so intent on finding her that she practically collided with Nick in front of the DNA lab.

"Whoa. Slow down Catherine!" Nick laughed.

"Where's Sara?" Catherine asked breathlessly.

"She said she had to go to the bathroom but that was over 10 minutes ago. I was going to just peek in and call her name to make sure she didn't wander off somewhere else." He replied calmly.

"No, it's okay. I'll go check on her!" Catherine said, turning on her heel and dashing away.

"Thanks Cath!" Nick called after her.

Upon entering the bathroom Catherine heard muffled sobs coming from the farthest stall.

"Sara?" She called as she made her way past the sinks.

The sobbing stopped abruptly.

"Sara??" Catherine said more loudly. "Are you okay??"

There was still no response so Catherine, who was now almost directly in front of Sara's stall pushed on the door lightly. She was expecting to meet resistance but Sara had not locked it and door swung open easily.

"SARA!!" Catherine practically screamed. There was blood. Blood everywhere. Sara's whole arm seemed to be oozing it and if there were individual incisions there, Catherine couldn't see them.

Sara jumped up at Catherine's reaction. Instinctively pulling her sleeve over her arm. Catherine didn't wait to discuss it. She grabbed the razor blade from Sara's hand, accidentally nicking her own finger in the process. Ignoring the sting she pulled out her cell.

She was just about to dial 911 when Sara pushed the phone out of her hand.

"Don't." She said. "It's not as bad as it looks. See." She pulled her sleeve up and Catherine was able to observe that the bleeding had calmed considerably, soaked up by the cloth.

"Sara, regardless of how serious it is you _need_ help. You have to go to the hospital." Catherine said her tone calmer but still concerned.

Sara shook her head as the tears began to spill again. "I've seen enough hospitals and ambulances to last me a lifetime." She cried, sliding down the wall. Catherine grabbed some wet paper towels and came back to sit beside her.

"Give me your arm." She said quietly.

Sara obeyed.

"Listen Sara" Catherine said while dabbing her wounds with the paper towels. "This whole ordeal must be very difficult to you and perhaps I don't even understand what you're going through but I know that these type of things need attention. Now we don't have to call an ambulance but you do need to visit the hospital and I will drive you.

Sara nodded weakly, too exhausted to argue. Both women stood and Sara pulled down her sleeve once more.

"What about the case?" Sara asked, looking worried.

"Don't stress about it. I can double. You are one of the best CSI's Sara. You're not going to loose your job over this."

"And Ecklie?"

"I'll deal with him." Catherine answered firmly.

Sara gave a nod of thanks, Catherine grabbed her cell, and the two women left the bathroom.

As Catherine was putting her cell phone away in her coat pocket she caught sight of her beeper. _Why hadn't she thought of it sooner? _She thought, exasperated. Pulling her cell phone out again she quickly paged Grissom, praying that he would receive it soon.

--

That evening Grissom recreated his dinner with Sara. Everything was exactly the same except that Sara wasn't there. Same place at the bar, same food, even the same waiter strangely enough.

Once more Grissom dived into his memories.

He could see her laughing at one of his jokes and the passion in her eyes as she realized how much they had in common. Her second cocktail was dangling from her left hand and a piece of seaweed was stuck in between her front teeth. He was considering pointing it out to her when seemingly out of nowhere, she had kissed him. He could almost feel the softness of her lips upon his, the surge of electricity throughout his body as her tongue slipped between his teeth. Unfortunately the most wonderful moment of his life had only lasted a few seconds and all too quickly she was inviting him to her apartment.

Now came the hard part. Why had he refused? Had he not had enough to drink or was he really not interested at that time? No, he was definitely interested but before he had time to think the familiar excuse had already left his lips_. I'm sorry. I can't. My work doesn't give me time for relationships. _At least she hadn't seemed too offended. If she was hurt, it didn't show.

Rubbing his forehead in distress, he paid the check and left. When he reached his hotel room he remembered that he had lost his cell phone. After several minutes of digging through his bags, he realized that it wasn't there. Groaning he walked over to his room phone to call and cancel it. Just as he was about to pick up the receiver his beeper went off. He looked at the number. It was Catherine and it was urgent. _Shit._ He wondered how long she had been trying to get a hold of him. He quickly dialed her number on his room phone.

--

Catherine sat in the waiting room. Sara was in with the doctor and as soon as she was settled Catherine had to get back to the lab. She was just checking her watch when her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She checked the caller ID. _Four Seasons Hotel. _Heart racing, she immediately flipped her phone open.

"Grissom!?"

"Yea, Catherine, it's me."

TBC…


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Having a little writer's block again… probably has something to do with the CSI season finale… I'm still really depressed but I guess I'll get over it. All the nice reviews I got on the last chapter made me happy though so THANK YOU! :D As usual, read, review, and enjoy!**

"_And say it for me, say it to me and I'll leave this life behind me… say it if it's worth savin' me… Heaven's gates won't open up for me, with these broken wing's I'm fallin', and all I see is you…"_

--"Savin' Me" by Nickelback

"GRISSOM!!" Catherine screamed causing the receptionist and several others to glare at her.

"Where the hell have you been?" She continued lowering her voice to an exasperated whisper.

"I'm sorry. I lost my cell phone. I had no idea you were trying to get a hold of me until your page." He paused and gritted his teeth. "What's going on?"

She was silent for a moment. Things had escalated so much since Sara's initial panic attack at the scene that Catherine wasn't even sure what information was necessary to disclose to him, if any. Although Catherine knew nothing of Grissom and Sara's history, she instinctively felt that he could somehow fix her. She decided to go with her gut, as it was usually more accurate than logic.

"It's Sara. She's not doing so well."

Grissom's stomach twisted. He had a feeling it was something to do with Sara. He had specifically told Catherine to notify him if any of the team was allowing personal problems to affect their work. He had meant Sara, but had used the team as a generalization so that Catherine wouldn't suspect anything.

Swallowing hard, he responded. "What's wrong?"

"Well… uh…" Catherine was still unsure of what to tell him. "We got a possible teen suicide case and the girl had obviously been cutting herself. Sara had a panic attack, she was taking photos one moment and next she was on the grou- -"

"She's cutting again isn't she?" Grissom interrupted.

"Yes… again?"

_Oh. _There was an awkward pause as Grissom realized what he had just implied.

"I noticed a few years back she had the scars on her arms and I assumed she was a past cutter."

"You must have been examining her pretty closely." Catherine responded testily.

Grissom wanted to defend himself but his concern for Sara outweighed his urge to argue.

"Where is she?" He asked trying to keep his voice calm.

"Desert Palms. She's in with a doctor. I'm in the waiting room." She lowered her voice even further. "I think she's going to be placed in their psychiatric unit for a few days. It would be really nice if you could get back here and help me cover the case overload we currently have. If Ecklie doesn't even notice she's gone we won't have to worry about making up an excuse for her."

Grissom didn't need to be told twice.

"I'm already booking the soonest flight on my laptop. I should be able to meet you at the hospital in a few hours. I'm so sorry for not being there to deal with this Catherine. I imagine you're pulling your hair out with stress."

Catherine was taken aback by the sincerity in his tone.

"Hey Gil, don't worry about it. We all need our time to be away. Where are you anyways?"

"I've got to pack up, I'll see you later Catherine."

There was a short click.

"Goodbye, Gris…" Her voice trailed off. Just then Sara's doctor entered the waiting room.

"Catherine Willows?" He asked looking around.

"Yes, that's me." Catherine replied, standing up.

"I'm Dr. Mason." He said shaking her hand. "Could you come with me please?"

--

Grissom tapped his foot nervously all throughout the flight. He could tell the woman sitting next to him was severely annoyed at this but as she was only passively glaring at him, he chose to ignore her and continue.

Unable to contain his anxiety, he practically jumped in impatience when he peeked out the window to see the casinos of Vegas lighting the night sky. Suddenly, there was a loud beep.

"Attention passengers. There are several planes waiting to land so there will be a slight delay. We should, however, be on the ground in the next 15-20 minutes."

Grissom groaned loudly. The woman next to him shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Clearly she wanted to be off the plane just as much as he did.

Slowly the minutes passed.

The intercom beeped again.

"We are now making our descent. Please make sure your seatbelts are secure and fastened and welcome to Vegas!"

Twenty minutes later Grissom was walking in quick strides across the Vegas airport. Luckily he hadn't checked any baggage so he was able to walk right past the luggage carrier and outside to hop a cab. Since he had driven his car to San Francisco he had been forced to pay a large fee to have it transported back to Vegas. At the moment though, that was the least of his worries.

"Where to?" The cab driver asked him, while helping him with his luggage.

"Desert Palms Hospital."

To Grissom's relief, the cab ride was quick. He didn't even wait for the driver to give him his total. He handed him a hundred dollar bill and rushed into the hospital.

Suddenly realizing he had no idea where in the hospital Sara was, he dug his phone out of his pocket to call Catherine. It rang in his hand. It was Catherine.

"Grissom."

"Hey Griss, nice shirt. Pick it up in San Francisco?"

He turned around to see Catherine waving at him and then glanced down at his t-shirt. It was the one he had bought earlier that day at a tourist shop.

"Where is Sara?" He demanded, as she approached him.

"Calm down, Gil. She's in the psychiatric ward and she's going to be okay."

"How do I get there?" He replied urgently, ignoring her exasperated look.

"It's on the second floor but she just got admitted and she may not be up for visitors. It's late Grissom, visiting hours are over so they probably won't allow it anyways."

Grissom ignored her and began to head towards the elevators.

Catherine knew it was no use trying to stop him so she headed out. She decided that if he didn't come into the lab by the next morning she would call him about covering the cases, but for now she would allow to him to sort out what he needed to with Sara.

--

Grissom held his breath as he rang the bell for entry to the psychiatric ward. He waited patiently as a young woman in white scrubs opened the door.

"How may I help you?"

"Yes, I'm here to see Sara Sidle."

"It's past visiting hours Sir. You'll have to come back tomorrow."

"I'm family." He said. "And I really need to see her. Would you please ask tell her I'm here." His tone was polite but firm, stating clearly that it was more of an order than a request.

"How are you related?" The woman asked suspiciously.

"I'm her brother." He said calmly.

"Her brother…" The woman frowned looking him over. "What is your name?"

"Gilbert Grissom."

She raised her eyebrows. "You don't have the same last name."

"I'm her half brother. Different dad's." He replied unruffled by the accusation.

"I'll go ask." She replied. "Just wait here."

Five minutes later the woman returned with a slightly irritated look on her face.

"This is against policy but her therapist approves it and Sara has agreed to see you." The woman said grudgingly as she opened the door and let him inside.

Grissom followed her through several different sitting areas, each enclosed by a set of double doors that she had to open with her badge. Finally they came to a hallway full of individual patient rooms. The woman led him to the first one on the right.

"Before I allow you to enter I need to ask you to follow a few simple rules. Generally patients are not allowed alone in their rooms with visitors unless they approved family members, as you are." She sniffed as if she highly doubted it. "You have a generous 30 minutes to spend with her, considering how late it is. If she needs anything please notify us. Every time the door opens or closes we get a page, so all you need to do is open the door if you need something. Everything clear?" She asked sternly.

Grissom nodded, suppressing an urge to roll his eyes. Seeming somewhat satisfied the woman turned away from him and knocked lightly at the door.

"Come in." Came Sara's quiet voice, she sounded nervous.

The woman pushed the door open and moved aside to allow Grissom to enter.

Sara was sitting on her bed, dressed in plaid pajama bottoms and an overlarge white t-shirt. Her arms were bare and visible and he noticed immediately that her right forearm was covered in bandages. He barely heard the woman leave, closing the door softly behind her.

Walking towards Sara, he met her eyes and felt his body go numb.

The tears began to slide down his cheeks as he took a seat next to her on the bed.

"Sara…" He whispered in a broken voice.

TBC…


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This chapter really surprised me… I had a plan for it and then all of a sudden it veered off in a direction I wasn't expecting. So now there is a big twist on this story and I don't know what I'm gonna do with it… but anyways please read and review and I hope everyone likes this chapter!**

"_I think I'll change my ways so all you're words get noticed… Tomorrow's a brand new day, tomorrow's a new day…" _

--"Brand New Day" by Forty Foot Echo

Sara turned away from him, unable to bear her shame. Despite the anger she felt towards Grissom, she hated for him to see her this way. Her self-inflicted injuries had never been meant for revenge or even attention. They were purely a distraction, her way of coping with overwhelming and unbearable emotions.

"Sara…" he said again softly, reaching for her hand. She flinched in surprise at his touch but quickly relaxed as his fingers intertwined with hers.

"What do you want with me?" She asked her voice choked with tears.

He sighed heavily.

"I want you to be happy."

"Then why did you leave?" She retorted, still refusing to look at him.

"I took a road trip to San Francisco so I could figure some things out. I'm sorry that I left so abruptly and without warning, I shouldn't have done that to you." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "When I was there I did a great deal of thinking…. about you… and us."

She said nothing so Grissom continued.

"It wasn't until I was sitting in that sushi bar by the bay, reminiscing about our first date, that I came to a conclusion as to why I've turned you down for so many years. It's no excuse for my behavior but it may help you to understand me better. I was afraid, Sara. And not just about my job. My job has just been a justification; the only thing I felt could possibly be a valid enough excuse to turn you down. I've realized though that my fear has little to do with my work and much more to do with something else... losing you. I figured that if I refused to let you in my love would eventually fade away. When it did I would no longer have to worry about what it would feel like if you weren't here. Now I know that in trying to rid myself of my feelings they've only become stronger and I've caused us both that much more pain."

Hearing these words, Sara turned to face him, tearing streaming down her cheeks.

"Sara, I love you and I want to try this. I realize now that it is better to try and possibly succeed, than to not try at all and fail for certain." He took his thumb and wiped away the tears on her cheek.

"I need you to do something for me though Sara."

Her eyes were wide as he said this.

"I want to save you and I want to fix you, but I can't bear the thought of what would happen to you if someday I'm not there to do so." Trying to keep his voice steady, he cupped her face in his hands. "I need you to figure out whatever it is that is causing you to harm yourself. I need you…" He inhaled sharply, barely able to stop himself from crying. "I need you to be able to look after yourself."

Sara nodded and leaned into him feeling his arms encircle her body.

He finally released his own tears as she sobbed into his shirt.

She wanted to explain to him that she had taken care of herself her entire life; that every person before him had let her down in some way. No one had ever loved her, and perhaps she had never truly loved anyone herself. But he was here for her now and she didn't want anything to change that. Experience told her not to trust him, but inside she knew that her survival depended upon it. She would give this life one last chance. If Grissom failed her, she would have nothing left.

Slowly she pulled away from his embrace and wiped her tears off her cheeks with her sleeve. Looking up, she saw that he had been crying as well and although she didn't like to see him in pain, it comforted her to know how much he cared.

"We'll take it slow." She promised him, breaking into her first real smile in the past week.

He nodded and put his lips to her forehead, giving her a soft kiss that sent shivers down her back. Then he stood up and stretched.

"I should probably get going before that obnoxious woman comes back."

Sara giggled. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Definitely." He replied walking to the door.

"Oh and Grissom…?"

He stopped abruptly, hand on the doorknob.

"Half brother?"

He turned around to meet her grin and they both broke into hysterical laughter.

--

After leaving Sara, Grissom dropped by his townhouse to shower, change, and unpack. By the time he made it to the lab it was early morning.

As he had expected he was bombarded with questions and complaints the moment he walked through the door. He was able to shoo Nick and Warrick away but Catherine didn't give up so easily. She followed him all the way to his office and watched impatiently as dug around in his bag for his keys.

"Yes, Catherine?" He said, finally locating his keys and unlocking the door. She followed him inside.

"I was just going to brief you on what's going on… were you able to see Sara?" She asked.

"Uh huh…" Grissom answered distractedly frowning at the pile of mail on his desk.

"How in the world did you convince them to let you in?" Catherine replied, her curiosity now far outweighing her desire to deal with work.

"Half-brother." He mumbled, picking up the topmost letter on the pile.

"Huh?" Catherine replied confused.

"I told them I was her half-brother…"

He slowly began to break open the envelope in his hand.

"Well, I guess I'll just leave you to it then…" Catherine said, reading his social cue and backing away towards the door.

"I'll be out in a minute Cath to hear about the assignments." He called after her, his eyes locked on the letter in his hands.

He unfolded in carefully and began reading.

_Dear Grissom,_

_I know it has been some time since we've spoken and you've probably moved on. I would not have contacted you at all if it hadn't been for a complication in our relationship that has stuck with me permanently. I should of told you years ago, although you can't blame me for putting it off, considering you must be furious at me._

_First and foremost, I would like to apologize for the way I left you. It was wrong of me and as bad decisions usually lead to bad outcomes; well it turns out you would have been the better pick. Stephen and I had a very short marriage. Our first year together he severely abused me and by the end of our second, I had divorced him. I have been single ever since, working up the courage to contact you. I know it's been almost 16 years and more than likely I'm too late for you. But this letter isn't really about you or me. This letter is about our son. _

_I know you probably won't believe me at first but I am certain the child is yours. I always told Stephen that the boy was his because I knew he would have probably killed me had he known the truth. But here I am years later with a 15 year-old son who never knew his father. He has been asking about you since he could talk and I finally decided it was time for me to face my past mistakes, if not for anything else, for my son. I was afraid to call. I thought a letter would be best. _

_Nathan and I are coming to Vegas on the 20__th__ of this month so that he can meet you. My cell number is (206) 354-8356. If we don't hear from you before we arrive we will just drop by the lab! _

_See you soon,_

_Barbara and Nate_

Grissom's eyes snapped over to the bug-themed calendar hanging on his wall. Today was the 18th. They would arrive the day after tomorrow.

TBC…


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: This fanfic has been my coping mechanism lately… someone stole my ipod so I basically have nothing to do on long bus rides except write lol. For those of you who want fluff, I am definitely working on it. Please read and review and thanks for all the feedback on that last chapter. I know I took a crazy turn on this story and I'm glad to see I haven't lost all my readers because of it.**

"_I feel so much better, now that you're gone forever… I tell myself, that I don't miss you at all… I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now that you're gone forever…"_

--"Gone Forever" by Three Days Grace

Completely forgetting Catherine and his responsibilities Grissom grabbed his phone and dialed Barbara's cell. He paced the room furiously while he waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?" Came a woman's voice from the other end.

Grissom froze in his tracks.

"Barbara?'

"Yes… Gil, is that you?"

He closed his eyes.

"Yes, it's me."

"I am so glad you called!" She said in an unconvincingly cheery voice. "I was sure you were still angry with me and I expected you to just ignore my letter, but this is great, no need for me to stress about it anymore, I'm so excited and Natha--"

"Barbara!" Grissom said sharply, causing the woman's nervous chatter to cease immediately.

"I am still angry with you, _very_ angry with you. But not because of the way you left me. It didn't take me long to realize that it was perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me. No, Barbara, I am angry because I don't understand why the _hell_ you just decided to contact me about this child?" His voice, which had started out steady, was beginning to rise with each syllable. Trying to keep himself calm he continued.

"I asked you Barbara, if you were pregnant about a week before you left me. And you said no. If I recall correctly you started sleeping with Stephen during the last three months of our relationship. How can you know for sure the child is mine?"

"Stephen always wore a condom." She replied testily.

"And I didn't?" He asked challenging her accusation.

"Well that one time it broke…" Her voice trailed off as if she was afraid he was about to explode on her.

"That time was nearly two months before our relationship ended! If you were pregnant you surely would have known when I asked you. Why did you lie to me? Unless you've conducted a DNA sample, and I highly doubt you have, then you have no way of knowing whose child it is!" His voice was now angry and he was no longer trying to restrain himself.

"He's not one of your murder suspects Gilbert, he's a human being and he's _your son_!" She screamed back at him.

"You know what I think Barbara?" His said, his voice deadly quiet. "I think that this is some ploy so that you can get back with me! It's over, okay? And unless there is DNA proof that this kid is mine I want nothing to do with either of you! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do!"

"Gil please…" She cried desperately before he could hang up. "We already have our flight so we'll still come in. But you can have your DNA sample and if you're not Nathan's father, then we'll leave you alone. Please listen to me though Gil… the boy needs a father and I've already caused him so much pain. Either way it would be so great if you could be there for him."

"I'm not going to run around fixing your mistakes. It's unfortunate that he had to end up with you for a mother."

Grissom slammed his phone shut without another word.

--

"Hey, thanks for coming… I must admit I was a little worried work would keep you away." Sara said smiling playfully at him.

He nodded trying to act normal.

It was a little after 3:00 in the afternoon and Grissom had just arrived at the hospital to visit Sara. The two were sitting on her bed discussing dinner options. Her therapist felt she was doing well enough to be allowed out for two hours with an approved family member. If all went well, she would be released the next morning.

"You seem a little stressed." She observed. "Is something wrong?"

She placed her hands on his shoulders and massaged them gently, sending shivers down his spine.

"No dear… I'm just a little nervous for tonight is all." He said, turning to face her.

She shook her head smiling.

"You are so cute! You know this is technically not our first date…"

"No it's not." He agreed caressing her arm upper arm with the tips of his fingers.

Sara closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying his touch. She wondered if he was thinking what she was thinking_._

_Two hours was enough time. They didn't even really need to have dinner. She could just eat when she got back. Would it be too soon though?_

She had been waiting to sleep with Grissom since the day they first met but she wasn't sure it was the same for him. All the times she had pushed forward in their relationship he had pulled back and she couldn't risk scaring him away anymore.

Opening her eyes she jumped back, surprised to discover how close his face was.

"I'm sorry." He said quickly backing away. "I got a little too close."

Sara responded by leaning in and giving him a kiss. It was only a peck but it was all he needed. A moment later he was kissing her passionately his arms encircling her body and his weight leaning into her. Barely able to breath because of indescribable sensation traveling throughout her body she felt herself slowly falling back onto her pillow. Just as her tongue was beginning to explore his mouth, he pulled away.

'What wrong?" She asked, sitting up.

"It's not that I'm not enjoying myself." He replied a grin spreading across his face.

She raised her eyebrows.

"It's just that… we're in a hospital. In particular, a psychiatric unit. I'm not opposed to having sex with you. In fact I would rather enjoy it I'm sure. But we are not going to have sex in a hospital. So what I'm saying is… I think we should take this somewhere else."

She stared at him, her mouth hanging open in shock.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"it's just… just… I've never seen you be so…"

"Forward?" He supplied, smirking.

"Yea, that." She said, nodding her head in amazement.

"Well, I had a thought." He replied. "Somehow I have a feeling that if you were caught having sex with your half-brother in your hospital bedroom you would not be leaving here anytime soon… So shall we?" He asked standing up and holding out his hand.

She took his hand.

"We shall."

TBC…


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I spent a lot of time on this chapter so I really hope everyone enjoys it! Please R & R, ya know, the usual… and thanks again to those who do, reviews always MAKE MY DAY! :D**

_"Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. Some people search forever for that one special kiss... Ohh, I can't believe it's happening to me. Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this…"_

--"A Moment Like This" by Kelly Clarkson

Grissom stood in his bedroom facing Sara. She smiled at him.

"You aren't going to chicken out, are you?"

As she said this she took her left hand and grazed down the front of his shirt, past his stomach and between his legs, grasping his crotch with her fingers.

He felt his breath stop and inhaled sharply. He shook his head and she let go of him.

"Good." She grinned naughtily. Then her face became more serious and he could tell from the look in her eyes that this was important to her. He glanced at her right arm, still covered in bandages, and made a mental note to be gentle with her.

Gradually the two came closer. At first they barely allowed their lips to touch, teasing each other with soft kisses.

Grissom was nervous and trying not to show it. Despite Sara's obvious attraction to him he couldn't help but wonder if she might change her mind once she saw him naked. He didn't think he was revolting, but he was definitely no match for her slender and youthful form.

Strangely enough, Sara was nervous too. All of a sudden she was kissing the man she had waited for her whole life and now she wasn't sure she was ready. _What if he thought she was too skinny or her boobs weren't big enough? What if she was just bad at sex? 'Give yourself a break, Sara!' _She told herself. '_This is Grissom and he loves you_.'

Both leaving their insecurities behind they moved in closer, beginning to explore each other with their hands. Grissom wrapped his arms around Sara's waist and she pushed her body hard against him, digging her fingers into his back. Tongues dancing in each other's mouths, Grissom ran his hands rapidly up and down her sides. She felt her whole body go numb as his fingers toyed with the button on her jeans. Finally undoing it successfully, he pushed his hand down her underwear, searching for her opening.

"Grissom please…" She moaned as he massaged her private areas.

"I waaant…" Her voice ceased immediately as she felt his finger plunge into her.

As he thrust his finger in and out she kissed him uncontrollably. Her lips moved from his mouth to his jawline and then down his neck just above his shirt collar.

Moaning in pleasure, he released her and moved his hands to her hips, steering her around in the direction of the bed. When they reached its edge Sara allowed herself to fall gently atop the covers and Grissom followed distributing his weight as evenly he could so as not to hurt her.

Sara barely noticed the care he was taking. All she could think about, feel, and process was his body on top of hers. Even in her wildest dreams, she had never been close to feeling what she felt now.

"Grissom…" She moaned, as he moved his mouth down her neck.

He paused when he reached her collar bone and grabbed the bottom of her tank top, pushing it up to reveal her bra. She lifted her head slightly so he could finish pulling it off. Once this was done he tossed it to the side and began to place kisses on her chest. When he reached her right breast he pulled the bra cup back so that he could suck on her nipple. Her body writhed below him in pleasure and she brought her hands behind her back to undo her bra. Helping her pull it off he moved to the left nipple and then on to her stomach coming ever closer to her unbuttoned jeans.

_Oh god, she needed it now. _She pulled at his shirt and undid his buttons feverishly as he pulled her pants down to her knees.

"Grissom…" She breathed heavily. "Now…" She could barely get the words out as he backed up and finished pulling off her pants and underwear in one sweeping motion. She leaned back and closed her eyes as he parted her legs with his hands and put his mouth in between them.

"Grissom, Grissom, Grissom,…" She cried over and over again at his mouth did its work on her.

When he was finished, he brought his mouth up her body again. As he reached her lips she tugged at his pants.

"Sara…" He groaned as she undid his belt buckle. "I didn't buy condoms…"

"It okay…" She breathed.

"No it's not…" He replied as she leaned into him and slid his pants down.

"Are you on the pill?" He asked urgently, kicking the rest of them off.

"Yes…" She said impatiently as she pushed down his boxers, the last piece of clothing separating their bodies from joining together.

He knew that even if she wasn't he wouldn't have been able to stop himself. Seconds later he was inside her and both were gasping in pleasure.

"Gris…Gil…Griss…" Each word came out as a moan. She took her hands and ran them through his hair and down his back. He shuddered at her touch and quickened his pace, his thrusts becoming desperate. She grabbed his ass and urged him on.

"SA-RA SI-DLE…." Was all he managed to cry out as he reached his orgasm. She followed suit with one last groan of utmost satisfaction.

Both feeling complete, Grissom rolled off of her panting and sweating. For several long minutes they just lay there soaking in what had just happened.

Sara was the first to break the silence.

"You know, they have sex in the hospital on Grey's Anatomy all the time." She turned to see his reaction.

He laughed. "What's Grey's Anatomy?"

"A TV show." She grinned. "You've never seen it?"

"I don't believe I have." He took her in his arms and pulled her close.

"Well you should." She giggled.

"Speaking of hospitals, what time is it?" He turned his body around to see his clock.

"What time did we leave?" He asked, nervously sitting up and staring at the digital numbers.

"I think around 3:30… why?" Sara sat up as well, wrapping her arms around his bare chest from behind.

"It's almost 7:00."

"Oh shit."

TBC…


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks for the wonderful reviews! Please keep them coming, they encourage me to update!**

_"There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings."_

--Dorothy Thompson

"May I help you?" A woman in white scrubs asked skeptically as she poked her head through the door.

"Ummm, yes." Catherine replied. "I'm here to see Sara Sidle."

"And you are?" The woman asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Catherine Willows, LVPD CS--… I mean coworker and friend."

The woman's eyebrows went even higher.

"I'm sorry I'm used to rattling off my title. Look I don't have a lot of time. I need to get into work. I was with her when she was checked in, I know I'm approved."

"Oh I already knew you were." The woman answered, eyeing Catherine with extreme dislike.

Catherine was starting to become irritated.

"Can I just see Sara?" She asked impatiently.

"She isn't here."

"What?"

"She's not here right now."

"She checked out?"

"No. She went out."

"She went out?" Catherine wanted to strangle the woman.

"With her half-brother."

"Sara doesn't have a half--" She stopped mid-sentence, remembering what Grissom had told her earlier. If the woman's eyebrows could have went any further up her forehead they would have disappeared under her hairline.

"Well just let her know I stopped by then." Catherine said quickly.

"Will do." The woman answered shutting the door in Catherine's face.

"_Geez!" _Catherine muttered under her breath. _How the hell did Grissom ever get past that bitch?_

She walked over to the elevator and was about to push the button when the doors opened.

"Grissom! Sara!" Catherine cried in surprise as they walked off the elevator.

"Hey Cath…" Grissom looked confused.

"I was going to visit Sara but it looks like you beat me to it." Catherine explained. "Hey aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Aren't you?" Grissom replied.

It was then that she noticed the identical grins on both his and Sara's faces.

"What is with you two? You both look like you got plastic smile surgery or something."

Grissom looked offended but Sara just laughed. "Come on Gris, I'm already late enough."

He nodded and turned to Catherine.

"I'll see you in the lab in 15 minutes."

Catherine walked off shaking her head and Grissom escorted Sara to the doors of the psych unit. Before ringing the bell he cupped her face in his hands and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. She smiled into it and pulled him into a hug.

"I'll see you in the lab tomorrow afternoon." She said as she released him.

He smiled. "If you're ready. But don't hesitate if you need some more time."

She shook her head. "I want to be as close to you as possible."

He pressed the bell and watched as the obnoxious woman in white scrubs opened the door and began to scold Sara on her lateness.

'You will be." He mouthed as he waved goodbye to her.

It wasn't until Grissom was unlocking his car that he remembered what the next day would bring. He felt his throat choke up as he realized that Sara would be there when his ex-fiancé and supposed son arrived. He had been counting on her being in the hospital or at home resting. Swallowing hard, he got in his car and headed towards the lab. He tried his best to push it out of his mind, at least until the morning; otherwise he knew he would never be able to do his work.

--

Grissom spent the next day on edge, pacing his office nervously. At exactly 10:45 A.M. he left to go pick Sara up from the hospital. He didn't bother to go home and change or shower. Instead he drove her to her apartment and helped her get settled.

"Hey shouldn't you be at home getting some rest before shift starts?" Sara asked him as he flitted about her kitchen, brewing coffee and putting together a lunch for them.

"I'm fine." He replied trying to sound at ease and failing miserably.

"You are as bad as I am when it comes to lying about how you feel." Sara responded, chewing nervously on her lower lip. "Is it us? You know we don't have to say anything to the team… it would probably be best if we kept things a secret, anyways. Otherwise Ecklie will spilt us up…" Her voice trailed off as she stopped babbling.

Grissom appeared not to have heard her.

"Grissom!" She cried loudly, causing him to jump in surprise and bang his head on the top of the cupboard he was searching through.

She couldn't help but laugh at him.

"Are you okay?" She asked more seriously, getting up from her seat and moving towards him.

He rubbed the top of his head and stared at her, seemingly spaced out.

"Yeah, I'm fine… and I agree, lets keep 'us' between 'us'.

Reaching him, she stood on her tiptoes to examine his head.

"Where does it hurt?" She asked him.

'_Everywhere_' He wanted to say but instead he just pointed to a spot on his head. She elevated herself a little higher in order to give him a light kiss in the direction he was pointing.

"All better?" She asked as she let her heels drop back down to the floor.

"All better." He lied throwing her a fake smile. He cursed himself inside his head for not having the strength to tell her where it really hurt. _'Just tell, she's going to find out in a few hours anyways and then it will be too late!' _He desperately tried to convince himself.

But he had a plan. Sara would be out in the field. The DNA test would be quick. And if the results proved the kid to be his… well then he would tell her. He had already hurt her enough. _Why cause her more pain for nothing?_ That was the excuse that he gave himself.

TBC…


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: ****#1: I'm suffering some writers block. The first time I wrote this chapter my computer crashed so I had rewrite it and it just doesn't seem to have the same flow.**

**#2: The next two weeks are going to be really crazy for me because I'm graduating so I might not be updating as frequently. I'm going to try my hardest though, especially since this chapter is a cliffhanger. Keep up the great reviews; they really will increase the likelihood of more updates! **

**#3: Onto the story!**

"_We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams."_

--Jeremy Irons

_He sat across from her smiling. Tonight she was his only priority. _

"_You look beautiful…" He said grinning as the waiter placed their drinks in front of them._

_She giggled. "That's the fourth time you've said that.'_

_He took a sip of his wine._

"_I know but I can't help myself."_

"_So do you know what you're going to order?" She asked as she pretended to scan her menu. She always ordered the same thing as him but she liked to have a menu just for show.  
_

"_You."_

_She looked up, startled._

"_Huh? What do you mea--" She stopped mid sentence and gasped._

_From inside his coat pocket he had pulled out a small velvet box. Slowly and nervously he made his way around the table, his eyes never leaving hers as he kneeled down on his right knee._

"_Barbara…" He whispered. She sat there, mouth agape, paralyzed by her excitement._

_"I have never known a woman who could make me consider leaving my career…" He paused, taking a deep breath. "Until you… it was about a month ago when I realized that I wanted you, wholly and completely, and that even if it meant letting go of my job, I didn't care. Since then I have been searching for this ring (he pried the velvet case open with his fingers to reveal a breathtaking display of silver diamonds) and plucking up the courage to ask you a special question. Barbara, I love you… will you marry me?"_

"Grissom!" Sara cried loudly, giving him a light slap on the wrist.

He jolted in surprise and slammed hard on the breaks, just barely preventing a collision with the car in front of them.

"Are you okay?" She asked for the third time, exasperated by his unresponsiveness.

"Sara, I am _fine." _He replied, slightly irritated.

Sara didn't say anything else and they both remained silent as Grissom pealed into the parking lot next to the lab. It wasn't until he had parked the car and turned off the ignition that she decided to respond.

"Grissom… You are not okay and we both know that." She grabbed his arm firmly to stop him from leaving.

As he turned to face her she continued.

"We're not starting our relationship with secrets…so spill."

He sighed reluctantly.

"Sara I…" The excuse that had been forming on his tongue was swallowed immediately as his eyes met her furiously determined gaze.

He opened his mouth again, this time with every intention of giving her the truth but before he could utter a word there was a loud banging on his window. He whirled around to see the police Captain, Jim Brass, waving urgently.

He rolled down the window, both frustrated and relieved.

"Grissom? Sara? Where have you guys been? I've been trying to get a hold of you both for the past hour!"

"Sorry, Jim." Grissom said apologetically. "My cell phone was off."

"Well, we have a high profile case, several shootings at Caesar's palace… its utter chaos. Warrick and Catherine are already at the scene and Nick is about to head out right now. I need you both to go with him."

Sara started to respond but Grissom cut over her.

"I'll send Sara with Nick but I need to stay here and deal with some things. Is that okay?"

Brass nodded. "You're the supervisor, so it's your call."

"Thanks Jim."

"No problem. I have to go back to the scene, Sara I'll see you soon!"

She nodded but didn't say anything. They both waited until Brass was out of earshot and then Grissom turned back to Sara.

"I'm sorry Sara… I promise we'll talk later."

She nodded in defeat. Although she didn't like it, she knew now was a time when work would have to come first.

Grissom brushed her face with his hand and leaned in to give her a soft kiss.

"I promise." He whispered in her ear before opening his car door and getting out.

She stared after him for a moment before realizing that she needed to get out in order for him to lock the doors. Trailing behind him, they walked in silence towards the lab.

"What do you need to deal with at the lab?" She wondered aloud.

"Paperwork." He said shortly, feeling the lie burn his mouth.

In her gut she felt it too but before she could say anything the front doors of the lab opened and Nick came out, running towards them.

"Hey Sara, Griss!" He called, waving to them.

They both responded with pained smiles.

"Are you two alright?" Nick asked when he reached them. "Catherine mentioned that you guys had some weird smile thing going on."

Sara shook her head, her fake smile instantly fading away. "Let's go Nick!"

"Alright…I guess I'll drive." He said nervously, as he became aware of the tension that surrounded him. He pulled out his keys and started walking towards his car.

"Grissom are you coming?" He asked swinging around when he realized only Sara was following him.

"No he's not." Sara said sharply before Grissom had a chance to answer.

Confused, Nick nodded in agreement and continued towards his vehicle.

Sara willed herself to move forward, to keep going, and not look back. But for once in her life she couldn't help but glance over her shoulder and as she knew she would, she instantly regretted it.

Jumping into the passenger seat of Nick's car her mind was overwhelmed by a single image. A snapshot of Grissom's face, plastered with confusion and hurt, frozen in time. She wanted to run back and throw her arms around him, tell him she was sorry, and that she knew his lie was only a short answer to what he would explain later. But Nick had already started up the engine and by the time they passed the spot where Grissom was standing, he was no longer there. Sara stared glumly out the window as it started to rain, while Nick pondered on what to say.

--

"Hey Grissom!" Judy greeted him with a smile.

Barely glancing at her Grissom muttered a 'hi' and headed for his office. Distressed, he sat down at his desk intending to fill out his long overdue employee evaluations. He pulled the stack towards him only to thrust them back down again when he saw Sara's half-completed form on top of the pile. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and it seemed as if he had never fought so hard to keep them from spilling over. Shaking uncontrollably, he took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm his body.

_It's okay._ He tried to tell himself. _You will explain later and she will understand. _He shook his head violently. '_I could call her now!' _He suddenly realized, pulling out his cell phone. Numbly, he punched in her number. His finger was moving towards the 'talk' key when there was a light knock on the door.

He looked up to see Judy waving nervously at him. Sighing, he snapped his phone shut and motioned for her to come in.

"Are you alright?" She asked tentatively as she poked her head through the door.

He wiped his eyes. "I'm fine."

She nodded although the look on her face told him she wasn't convinced.

"Well, when you're ready there is a woman and a teenage boy here to see you. They wouldn't give me their names but the woman said you are expecting them."

"I am."

TBC…


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I'm soooo sorry it has been so long since I updated. School is finally over and I don't start work for another week and a half so I should be updating a lot now. I had a lot of trouble with this chapter so I hope it turned out okay. Please read and review!!**

"_The trouble with love is...It can tear you up inside...Make your heart believe a lie...It's stronger than your pride"_

--"The Trouble With Love is" by Kelly Clarkson

_Smiling he pressed the number one speed dial on his phone and listened to it ring._

"_Hi, you've reached Barbara. I can't take your call right now so leave a message."_

_BEEP._

"_Hey honey, it's me. Just wondering if you want to go out to dinner tonight? If I don't hear from you I'll see you at home. Love you. Bye."_

_He closed his phone and gathered his things. There was nothing like a day off early when you had someone special waiting for you._

_He drove home quickly, absentmindedly drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and humming to himself. He was finally feeling a sense of meaning in his life and was amazed at the ease in which he had switched to working part time. He expected to miss the long hours in the lab and he didn't._

_Pulling into his driveway he was surprised to see Barbara's car missing. Usually she was home from work by now. Thinking perhaps that she had dropped by the grocery store he went inside and showered._

_After getting dressed again he walked out into the kitchen, confused as to why it was still empty. Even with a stop for groceries, Barbara would usually be home by now. _

_He grabbed his phone and dialed again. It went straight to voicemail. _

"_Dammit!" He cursed under his breath. _

_He busied himself with a lone dinner and crosswords while waiting for her return. As each moment he became increasingly nervous. All of a sudden his phone rang. He picked it up, assuming it to be Barbara._

"_Hey honey where are you?" He demanded._

"_Gil?" Came a confused male voice from the other end._

_Grissom turned red and was glad the caller couldn't see him._

"_Sorry, Jim. I thought you were my fiancé."_

"_Well my call is about your fiancé." His voice was serious, which made Grissom nervous._

"_What? Is she at the lab looking for me? I left her a message, maybe her phone died…Are you sleeping with her?" He asked in an attempt to lighten the mood. _

_Brass barely laughed._

"_Grissom, she's been kidnapped."_

Taking several deep breaths Grissom got up from his desk and headed towards the waiting area. Entering the room, he noticed Barbara first. She had her head in her hands and was tapping her foot nervously. The boy sat next to her. He looked old for his age and wore sagging jeans, a white t-shirt, and a chain around his neck. His hair was a light brown and he had spiked it up with gel. He looked up at Grissom, eyeing him with dislike. Grissom stared back trying to discern any similarities. In truth he didn't think the boy looked anything like him, but that didn't necessarily mean they weren't related.

"Barbara…" He called tentatively. Her head shot up at the sound of his voice and for the first time in sixteen years Grissom held her gaze.

He was shocked to see the manner in which her physical appearance had changed. Her face, once full and alive was now ghostly pale, the skin stretched tight across her cheekbones and her cold, gray eyes trapped in hollowed out sockets. Her nose was oddly shaped, not how he remembered, which made him think it had been broken. Her hair, which had once been waist-length and banana blonde, was now a withered knot of murky brown hanging off the top of her head. He could just see her gray roots sprouting up from her scalp since the last time she died them.

"You don't look so good." He commented as she stood up to great him.

"Oh shut up Gil… you have no idea what I've been through!"

He raised his eyebrows but didn't argue with her. She continued to eye him skeptically as she motioned for her son to stand up.

"Grissom, this is Nathan."

Grissom nodded and held out his hand to the young man in front of him.

"Hello, Nathan." He said politely.

Nathan grunted a small 'hey' clearly uncomfortable under his mother's watchful eye. He didn't shake Grissom's hand.

"Why don't we go into the break room?" Grissom suggested, keenly aware that Judy was only pretending to be busy with paperwork. Barbara nodded and Grissom led them down the hallway.

--

Sara worked tirelessly, processing the bodies scattered about the casino. There were six of them; four women and two men, all shot to death. Normally a scene like this would have her clenching her teeth to hold back the tears but her mind was shut off, unable to associate the tragedy in front of her with emotion.

"Sara!" A voice called from somewhere behind her. She turned around slowly, feeling a wave of dizziness threaten her stability.

"Yea…?" She answered as Nick approached her.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She replied shortly, bending down to get a closer look at the body she had been examining.

"You seem upset. You and Griss--"

"Shut up Nick." She snapped, turning her back on him.

"Sara, I'm just trying to look out for you." He said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She twisted around to meet his broken gaze and immediately felt guilty for her rude behavior.

"I'm sorry Nick. I just have a lot going on, but it is nothing for you to worry about." She reassured him with a weak smile.

He looked as if he didn't quite believe her but he let it go.

"You need some help?" He asked tentatively.

She nodded and began rolling up her sleeves. She was in the process of placing her hand inside the dead woman's pocket when Nick grabbed her by the arm.

"Sara!" He cried as she struggled painfully against his grip. She was about to yell at him when she realized what he was reacting to. He had grabbed a hold of her mangled arm. She had just removed the bandages earlier that day and had temporarily forgotten the wounds were there. Before she could gather up any excuses Nick had turned her arm over and was examining her cuts.

"Sara…" He said again, but this time his voice was choked and barely audible.

She bit her tongue to hold back the tears. She didn't need to cry again. She needed to get away. She pulled her arm from his grip and pushed down her sleeves. He made no attempt to stop her.

"Don't say anything to anyone. I have help and I'm okay." She said bitterly, grabbing her things. "I'll be at the lab processing evidence if you need me."

She barely gave him a second glance as she walked quickly towards the door.

Nick stared after her as a single tear cascaded down his cheek.

--

Greg looked up from his work to find Grissom standing in the doorway.

"Hey King Bugman… to what do I owe the pleasure?" He said grinning.

His smile faded when he saw the serious look on Grissom's face.

"I need these two DNA samples compared immediately." He said grimly, handing Greg two swabs.

"Alrighty will do ASAP." Greg replied, trying to lighten the mood with another cheery smile.

Grissom barely seemed to notice.

"Thanks Greg." He muttered as he turned towards the door.

He paused just below the doorframe.

"Oh and Greg…?"

"Yes…?"

"The suspects are already identified. No need to run the DNA in CODIS."

Greg nodded and set to work. He was suddenly very curious as to whom the DNA samples belonged to. It was perfectly normal for Grissom to tell him he didn't need to do any extra legwork, however this time it felt more like a request than a favor. Maybe he would run the samples through CODIS anyways. Grissom would never know and what he didn't know couldn't hurt him.

--

Once Sara had left the casino, she stopped trying to hold back her tears. Waving furiously she managed to snag a cab.

"Where to?" The driver asked her from the front seat as she hopped in.

"Oh, umm…" She wiped her eyes. "Las Vegas Crime Lab."

He nodded and asked no further questions as he pulled out of the lot.

During the entire 10-minute ride all she thought about was Grissom. Each time she envisioned the broken look she had left him with a fresh wave of grief flashed through her. By the time her cab reached the lab Sara's eyes were red and puffy and all trace of anger was gone. All she wanted was to hold him and she was ready to make a full apology for the pain she had caused him. After paying her fare she rushed through the front doors, barely waving 'hello' to Judy.

She was so focused on getting to his office that she nearly fell over when she threw a side-glance into the break room. Steadying herself against the wall she peered inside the window. Grissom was there; seated across from two people Sara didn't recognize. One was a teenage boy with spiky hair and the other a thin, ghostly woman who was probably in her fifties. She was about to enter the room when she saw Grissom reach across the table and grasp the woman's hand. He looked up at that moment and caught sight of Sara in the window. Upon seeing her he withdrew his hand and jumped up. Sara turned away immediately and ran down the hall towards the bathroom. He had failed her.

TBC…


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Yay for quick updates! Please review; it will make the next update speedy as well! Thanks! :)**

"_I don't know what I've done… Or if I like what I've begun… But something told me to run… And honey you know me it's all or none…"_

-- "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins

_It had been nearly four days. Four days since Brass called him with the devastating news. Four days and still they had nothing. No crime scene. No suspect. Just a phone call to the lab's front desk. "Tell Grissom I have her and he won't ever get her back." That was all the kidnapper had said when Judy answered. There was no ransom note, no sign of struggle. Her car hadn't even been found. It was as if she had vanished completely. _

"_Grissom!" Someone said loudly._

_Grissom looked up from his desk to see Jim Brass standing in the doorframe of his office. _

"_Have you thought of anything? Anyone?"_

_He shook his head wearily._

"_I didn't think she had any enemies."_

"_What about your enemies?"_

_He held up a stack of case files._

"_I'm looking into it."_

"_Listen, Gil. You're exhausted. You haven't been home for four days. I'll drive you home, you can rest and I'll make you breakfast." Jim said, giving him a sympathetic smile._

"_I'm not leaving until we find her." Grissom replied, his voice tired but firm._

"_Gil, it's not an option. If you don't go home now, you loose your job. Ecklie just informed me."_

_If it hadn't been that Grissom needed his job to find her, he wouldn't have cared. _

"_Okay. But I can drive myself home."_

_Fifteen minutes later Grissom arrived at his townhouse. He was so detached from the outside world that it wasn't until he practically walked into it that he realized Barbara's Volvo had been parked in front of him._

_Just as if he had been slapped awake, Grissom became instantly energized. He dashed up the stairs to his front door and threw it open. _

"_Barbara! Barbara!" He called as he ran through the kitchen and living room._

_Finding no one he headed to the bedroom. The door was partially open and he could hear shuffling inside. Suddenly aware that it could be her captor he pulled his gun from his jacket pocket. Drawing his weapon he pushed the door open slowly._

_The horror that met his eyes would never leave him. Barbara was there all right. Half naked and fucking a stranger. At the sight of Grissom she rolled off of the man immediately and grabbed a hold of her discarded underwear and jeans._

"_Gilbert!" She shrieked, apparently surprised to see him there._

_He dropped the gun in shock. _

"_Barbara… wha…what are you do--" _

"_She's coming with me!" The strange man said, pulling on his pants. _

"_Who the hell are you?" Grissom demanded._

"_This is Stephen…he uh… I… he…" Barbara's voice trailed off._

_Grissom stared at them both for a long moment taking in the scene in front of him. Then he understood._

"_This is a set up isn't it?" He asked much more calmly than he felt._

_She nodded._

"_You had him kidnap you so that you could break up with me? Is that how it works?" The pitch in his voice was rising. _

"_Gil, I never wanted to hurt you…" She whispered, tears in her eyes as she finished redressing._

"_How long?" He whispered back, his voice choking up._

"_Gil, please…" She begged._

"_How long?" He asked again, more demanding._

"_Three months…" She replied, fear evident in her voice._

"_Let's go honey." Stephen said forcefully, ignoring Grissom._

_She nodded and got up._

"_Why did you come back?"_

_She looked directly into Grissom's eyes._

"_I needed this." She held out a beautiful diamond necklace Grissom had given her. _

"_Stephen said it's worth a lot of money. When we got here I guess we just got carried away." She laughed and pointed to the discarded condom. _

_He blocked the door. _

"_I could have you both arrested for a fake kidnapping." He said shakily._

"_But you won't." She replied grinning._

_Before Grissom could respond Stephen pushed him out of the way with a force that caused him to fall back and hit his head hard against the wall. He fell to the ground unconscious while his ex-fiancé dropped her engagement ring upon his chest and left his life forever._

Grissom ran. Out the door. Down the hall. He ran so hard he nearly collided with Ecklie.

"What the--?" Ecklie started to say but Grissom never heard him finish.

He knew where Sara was and he couldn't waste any time. Reaching the woman's bathroom, he rushed inside without a second thought.

--

Sara ran. Her destination was clear in her mind. Flinging the bathroom door open she made her way to the furthest stall. Once inside she dug in her jeans pocket and felt her body freeze. The razor was gone. She had forgotten that Catherine had taken it from her. Pounding the wall in frustration she slid down against it and cried.

--

"Sara!" Her sobs ceased at the sound of her name.

It was Grissom.

"Sara!" Came his urgent voice again.

She held her breath, hoping he would leave.

A few seconds later he was at her stall door. Luckily she had locked it this time.

"Sara, please come out!" He begged.

No answer.

"Sara, don't hurt yourself. Come out and talk to me. Let me explain!"

He was crying at this point and it scared her.

Slowly she stood and unlocked the door. He pulled it open and threw his arms around her, hugging her close. Surprised as she was by his sudden wave of affection she gladly accepted it, burying her face in his shoulder. As he loosened his grip on her she looked up into his soft blue eyes. He took his thumb and wiped away the tears on her face. When he dropped his hand she brought her lips towards his and they began to kiss passionately. As she pushed herself into him she felt his body shudder with arousal. She closed her eyes and forgot about her anger, sucking hungrily on his mouth and twisting her tongue in rhythm with his.

Moments later they broke apart and for a second they both just stared. Grissom was the first to speak.

"Sara… I owe you an explanation."

She nodded.

"Why don't we go to my office?"

She nodded again and followed him out. Grissom stopped abruptly at the sight of Greg walking towards them.

"Hey Grissom, Sara!" Greg said cheerily when he reached them. His eyes darted past them to the entrance to the woman's bathroom.

"Did you two just… come out of the woman's bathroom?" He asked curiously.

Grissom shook his head.

"Sara did. But last I checked I'm a man, not a woman."

Sara giggled.

Greg nodded, unconvinced.

"Right."

'What did you need?" Grissom asked politely.

"Oh, uh… I have your DNA comparison results."

He handed over an envelope.

"Why the envelope Greg?" Grissom asked suspiciously.

"Oh I just figured you might want _those_ results to stay private."

Grissom's face turned white and he gave Greg a death glare.

"My office. 30 minutes." Was all he said before turning and leading Sara down the hall.

"What was that about?" She asked him when they were both safetly enclosed in his office.

"Let me start from the beginning."

TBC…


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thanks so much to the wonderful readers and reviewers! I am sad to say that this is the last chapter. I was surprised when I realized that it was time for this fanfic to end but it just felt right. There will be an epilogue coming soon though! Please leave a review and if possible tell me what you think of the ending and the fic in general. It will help me improve my writing in my next fic. I won't keep you waiting any longer! Enjoy!**

"_There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love."_

--Bryant H. McGill

Grissom took a deep breath and sat down at his desk. Sara followed suit, choosing a seat across from him.

"Sara…" He began slowly. "Eighteen years ago I met a woman named Barbara Mason. We dated for two years and eventually I proposed. I felt ready to settle down and I had never been happier. I even switched to working part time with flexible hours so that I could have time to spend with her and our future family."

He paused searching Sara's eyes for emotion. She merely nodded and he continued.

"It was a few weeks before the wedding when Brass called me with the news that she had been kidnapped. Naturally, I was devastated, unable to face what might happen to her. I stayed in my office for four whole days pouring over old case files and searching for some link to her kidnapper. On the fourth day I was threatened with termination if I did not go home."

Sara shifted in her seat but still said nothing, her expression blank.

"When I arrived home her car was there. I raced inside only to find her in my bedroom cheating on me with her supposed kidnapper. They had faked the kidnapping thinking I would be less hurt if I didn't know she had chosen to leave me."

He averted his eyes from her realizing that even now retelling the experience brought on strong emotion. He was therefore surprised when he felt the warmth of her hand.

"Gil…" She whispered as he looked up at her. "I'm so sorry."

He smiled weakly.

"When she left me I told myself I was better off alone and vowed that I would never love again."

He felt Sara's hand tighten its grip on him.

"That was… until I met you. I've tried so hard to push you away over the years. I didn't want to risk getting hurt again. My worst fear is that the moment I open up to you I'll loose you, whether you leave or someone takes you from me. I love you Sara."

There were tears in her eyes.

"I love you too, Gilbert Grissom."

She started to get up but he motioned for to stay seated.

"There is one more thing I need to talk to you about."

"Okay." She replied as she readjusted herself.

"As you've probably figured out the woman in the break room is Barbara."

She nodded.

"Well…" He took another deep breath. "The teenage boy with her… might be my son."

Sara blinked.

"Oh."

He raised his eyebrows, willing her to elaborate.

"I don't know what to say… did you do a DNA comparison?"

He held up the envelope Greg had given him and it suddenly all fit together.

"I know I should have mentioned this to you when it all first happened and I apologize for causing you so much pain. I want to be with you, Sara and I will do anything to make it work. I'm going to start by being honest with you."

At this point she did get up and walk around to his side of the desk. When she reached him, he pulled her into his lap.

"You've been awfully quiet… how do you feel about this?" He asked giving her a questioning look.

She sighed and looked him directly in the eye.

"I know this has been difficult and I'm not saying I'm completely okay. This is hard for me to hear but I do appreciate your honesty. If the kid is yours we'll deal with it. For now I'm going to take the risk and trust you. If I don't I'm afraid I'll be threatening more than my sanity."

He nodded in understanding and then turned his attention back to the envelope.

"Would you like to do the honors?"

She took the envelope from him and slit it open.

Slowly she extracted the folded sheet of paper.

Instead of printing the results, Greg had written three words in his sloppy handwriting.

"Not your kid."

Grissom sighed in relief and embraced her. In a matter of seconds their mouths were glued together. He attacked her with passionate kisses, running his arms up and down her back. Finally, Sara moaned and pulled away placing her hands on his face.

"Oh Grissom…"

He smiled at her and she opened the top button of his shirt leaning over to place kisses on his chest.

"Sara…" He groaned. "My blinds are open and Greg will be here any moment."

Reluctantly she stood up.

"Later." She said teasingly.

"Later." He agreed.

THE END

**A/N: Don't forget to check back soon for the epilogue! I won't make any promises but it will most likely be the "later" Grissom and Sara are talking about.**


	17. Epilogue

**A/N: Here is the epilogue… I've decided that I'm writing a sort of sequel to this story but it will begin at the end of "Goodbye and Good luck". It's skips really far ahead but it references to events in this story so that why I'm considering it a sequel. I've already started writing it so hopefully I'll be posting the first chapter soon! Thanks again to the wonderful reviewers, I would love to hear more from everyone about this last segment!**

Epilogue

"_How happy is the blameless vestal's lot... The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned…'"_

--Alexander Pope

"So… how did it go with Greg?" Sara asked, grinning as she loaded her plate with Japanese takeout.

"I think I scared him enough." Grissom replied taking a bite of his vegetables.

"What about Barbara?" She asked, eyeing him carefully.

Grissom looked up from his plate, confused.

"Where did you go after you left my office?"

"The lab to process evidence."

"And you didn't hear the commotion she made?" He replied, a look of disbelief on his face.

Sara shook her head laughing.

"Wow, I thought she had the attention of the entire lab."

Sara smiled, and then her face became more serious.

"So I take it she didn't handle it well then?"

Grissom shook his head sadly.

"As much as she hurt me I feel for her situation. I can tell she doesn't take care of herself and I know she regrets leaving me more than anything. I can't help her now, but I have no room left for anger in my heart."

He searched Sara's expression for signs of distress before continuing.

"I can forgive what she did but I will never forget. That in itself makes a fresh start with her impossible and she realizes it."

Sara nodded reassuringly, surprised that she felt no jealously over his words. She felt comfortable with his love and more trusting than ever, which made no sense considering the day's events.

"How'd the boy handle it?' She asked anxiously, breaking the silence.

"He was embarrassed but happy with the results. I could tell from the moment I met him that he thought I was some sort of freak."

Sara burst out laughing.

"What?" He asked, a hurt and innocent grin playing across his face.

"You're so cute!' She managed to choke out between giggles as she stood up and made her way around the table.

"What are you doing?" He asked her curiously.

She didn't answer. Instead she bent over and kissed him full on the lips. His fork clattered to the floor and he pulled her into his lap deepening the kiss and running his arms all over her upper body. She moaned and adjusted herself wrapping her legs tightly around his waist.

He could feel his erection hard against his pants as he pulled away from her kiss.

"What about din--?" He began to say but was stopped by her lips once more.

Forgetting all about his food he held onto her as he stood up and began carrying her to his bedroom. She kept her legs wrapped around him tightly and their faces stayed glued together. Upon reaching his bed he plopped down atop the covers with her body still clinging to his. His plans were to begin removing her clothes but her own movements stopped him.

"I believe I owe you something…" She whispered seductively as she backed up and began to undo his pants. He felt his whole body freeze as she slipped his pants down and off of his legs.

He could feel himself shudder with anticipation as she next removed his boxers. Just as she had two nights before, he leaned his head back into his pillow, unable to believe what was happening.

She stroked him softly, teasing him with gentle touches.

"Sara…" He groaned without opening his eyes.

In response, he felt her mouth in his crotch and all he could do was call her name over and over again until he reached his orgasm.

When she was done she moved herself upwards and her lips again found his as she rested her body atop his.

"You ready for more?" She whispered to him after about five minutes of silence.

No answer was needed for at her words he was removing her clothes with a fresh urgency.

It took less than a minute for them to both to undress completely. As the last of their clothes were discarded on the floor Grissom rolled them over so he was on top of her. Unlike the first night, his movements were sure and quick. She clutched at his hair as he thrust his body into her. It wasn't long until Grissom felt his second orgasm, while Sara climaxed below him, moaning into his chest.

When it was over they both lay still in the bed, Sara's back pressed against Grissom's chest, his warm and protective arms closed around her.

Although both were silent, sleep did not take over immediately.

Grissom lay there reflecting on how much had changed in his life since the fateful day when Sara collapsed in his arms. He was surprised with the sudden realization of completeness. He was whole now and it felt as if he could never be lonely again. He was no longer afraid of rejection or loss. He knew this woman in his arms would never hurt him the way Barbara had and he believed she was as serious about their relationship as he was. He smiled at the thought of Sara in a wedding gown. She would be the most beautiful bride. Sighing, he tightened his hold on her and reminded himself that anything close to marriage was still a long way away. At least they were taking steps towards it now. She finally knew he loved her and returned that love more than willingly. As long as he had that, it would always be enough, no matter what else happened.

Sara smiled to herself as she felt Grissom tighten his grip on her. She felt safe in his arms and no longer worried that he would disappear. He loved her. He _really_ loved her. That was all that mattered. In that perfect moment of pure ecstasy her past was gone and her demons were defeated. Maybe someday she would marry this extraordinary man who held her so close against him. As long as he loved her though, it would always be enough.

Both lay together silently until finally a peaceful sleep crept over them. They dreamed of hope, happiness, and love. They were both prepared to wake up to the rest of their lives. Neither knew that their peaceful state was limited. Two years later a force stronger than their love itself would pull them unwillingly apart. This time however, Sara would do the leaving and Grissom would be the one left behind, broken.

At least for now they could be happy together. At least for now they could both feel safe and loved...

**TBC in an upcoming sequel!**


End file.
